Top 10 Worst Things I’ve Ever Cooked

Hi friends,

I think it’s absolutely hilarious hearing about food fails. So I figured it was time you guys heard about some of mine!

10) Crockpot Buffalo Chicken Soup

I’ve made this recipe twice, and the most recent time was last week. I guess I forgot just how bad it was. It’s a very thin soup, it’s basically broth, frank’s red hot sauce, and blue cheese dressing. So it’s very spicy, and there’s a weird creamy fatty skim layer that forms on the top in the crock pot because the chunks of blue cheese FLOAT. This, combined with overcooked chicken breast and undercooked carrots and celery. Don’t make this, please.

9) Crockpot Alfredo

I love my crockpot for certain things, like chili and broth. But in my opinion, it shouldn’t be used for pasta. I couldn’t eat this (to be fair, my husband ate it and said it wasn’t too bad). I used gluten-free noodles and I severely overcooked them. So when I stirred everything together the noodles broke and turned to mush and made a white sludge with the sauce. G-ross.

8) Eggplant Pizza

This might be slightly controversial. Some people LOVE eggplant. I keep trying to make it and enjoy it, but we struggle. One time I sliced the eggplant into 1/2 inch discs for mini pizzas, great idea in theory. I even did the whole thing with letting them sit with salt to draw out some of the moisture, and they were still so mushy and slimy. Please tell me if you’ve found a good way to eat eggplant!

7) Bean and Cheese Freezer Burritos

Okay, this one was more of a “me problem” than a recipe problem. I was feeling ambitious and decided to make ahead about a million freezer burritos to make mornings simpler. I have a hard time with breakfast sometimes so I thought this was a neat solution. However, I used too much salsa and they were all so wet! Then when you’d heat them up they’d get soggy and the hot (temperature) salsa would burn your tongue and it just made mornings much worse.

6) Lemon Leek Chicken

We just didn’t like this at all.

5) Brown Rice Mexican Lasagna  

We had evening plans and didn’t have enough time to cook the brown rice properly, so it was crunchy. I made a crunchy lasagna.

4) Canoe Trip Curry with Pine Nuts

This one I feel really bad about, because I fed it to about a dozen wonderful teenagers that we were taking on a five day canoe trip adventure. We prepared and ate it on the side of granite slope in the Whiteshell, mid day, with our canoes and moods teetering precariously. Here’s the thing, we were trying to save space and weight, so I pre-made dry meals ahead of time. Things with dehydrated milk and nuts and stuff. Some of them were really great, we had a pad thai and a cous cous meal that turned out so yummy! But some of them called for a LOT of chicken bouillon, like this curry. It was just very salty, it had dried apricots and pine nuts in it and quick rice, so it really should have been tasty.

3) Tomato Soup with Lemon Basil Seasoning

This was a very bad soup, I made it when we were first married and it was August – not really soup season. But I was determined! I couldn’t get the seasonings quite right, and I didn’t have any plain dried basil so I used a Lemon Basil seasoning. Needless to say, lemon and tomato taste horrible together. This soup was SO acidic! I called my mom in a panic to see if she knew of any tricks to decrease the acidity and I very clearly remember her laughing at me. I couldn’t fix it and I ended up having to throw the whole batch out.

2) Zesty Shrimp Avocado Salad

I think we used bad shrimp for this salad, and the avocado was over ripe. So we made a fishy green slime salad. Not. Good.

1) Swedish Meatballs

This was all my fault. It was also before we meal-planned, so we were missing a bunch of integral ingredients. Stefan had decided to make Swedish meatballs and he was doing great until  I jumped in and tried to help. We were missing beef broth, so we used chicken broth, “not a huge deal” I thought to myself. We were also missing Worcestershire sauce, so I googled a common replacement and read that soya sauce would work (HA! funny joke internet). Then we realized that we didn’t have any star anise or clove so I suggested using allspice because it has both of those spices in it. VERY BAD IDEA. Keep in mind that this was all happening in an electric frying pan because we didn’t have an oven in the first place we lived after we were married. It was truly an adventure and the worst meatballs I’ve ever tasted.

I sure hope some of you guys have stories like this, please tell me I’m not the only one!

Share a story in the comments!

photography by Kaitlyn Gibson